Well then the shapes change
The shades change
Blue to gray to white
Blinding white-black lids
Blonde from the bedside
Brown from belowside snatching

Screamed into the silence once
Screamed into the silent night but did not wake him
Sleazing peacefully at my silent side
Screamed into the silence again but did not wake him
Slumbering at my extended side
Screaming in, to the silently sidling day
But did not wake him
                    whispering
                                 He was not there.

tender lying side by side mammoth baby hands curling
nipple in hand nipple at mouth curling
lips in ancient sneer sucking leer
oblivious, from without, provoked, from within
beginning without an end in me; i
comfort the comforted for comfort myself
baby blankets in hand, over head, over health hiding
cannot bear to hide cannot.
stay. awake.

Shades
Stealing eyes and stealing screams paralytic smiles
Heave leaden ribs, tendons slick, ligaments gone
Stuck breathless, struck breathless could have sworn I saw
Will not go back to sleep I thought I saw
Thought I saw what one awake cannot see but when paralyzed
Screaming whispered screams in the ears of those who cannot hear you or are not there
Torn throat, soundless terrify

Shades of silken grey and slinking white
Urge to sleep, back to sleep with
Dozing dear in arms and hand, nipple
Clutched, blanket curled, lips
Like anchors
Lost in shade.